The Only Appropriate Response is Gratefulness

This is absolutely one of my favorite Ted Talks. Louie Schwartzberg is an award winning cinematographer, director and producer who has literally been filming 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the past 30 years. In his talk, he shares his short video on Gratitude and Happiness, narrated by Brother David Steindl-Rast.

"You think this is just another day in your life. It's not just another day. It's the one day that is given to you. Today. It's given to you. It's a gift. It's the only gift that you have right now. And the only appropriate response is gratefulness."

This video is a gift, and I'm grateful to be able to share it with you.

xoxo,

Debbie

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What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?

Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see a big difference in your life. Yoko Ono

For many of us female-type people, it's not easy to look in the mirror.

We're hard on ourselves. We don't just see our reflection. We see body parts to be criticized and judged. We ask ourselves: Is this a bad hair day? Do I look fat in these pants? What's going on with my chin(s)?

Constant criticism is a form of abuse. We wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, but we do it to ourselves. I know a woman who goes as far as cutting her face out of family pictures. Where does that kind of self-loathing come from?

Of course, to be entirely honest, has there ever been a picture taken of me that I haven't judged harshly?

Five years ago, I had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. When I looked in the mirror, I saw utter and complete damage. My body image was in the toilet. I was angry, broken and overwhelmed.

Little by little, my body healed and I came to accept the changes breast cancer had caused. Yet, I still judged, even though no one knows better than I the traumas (miscarriages, infertility, cancer, abuse) this body has taken and survived magnificently.

And there it is. I dared to say it.

"Magnificently."

It's not easy to admit, but it's actually easier to criticize than it is to celebrate my body. I don't want to be "full of myself," so I become lesser. I'm afraid to seem conceited. I'm embarrassed by compliments. I don't want to appear to have a big head.

I'd be ashamed to get caught smiling in the mirror.

In the end, it's not about what we see in the mirror. It's about who we see. Can we love and accept ourselves from the inside out?

Can we say with complete conviction: "I'm enough!"

I've watched the video above more than once and teared up every time. With all of the social conditioning females are subjected to and how hard it is to own our magnificence, can we ever look in the mirror and see what those who love us see?

It's not easy, but maybe we can take it one smile at a time.

xoxo,

Debbie

P.S. The video reminded me of a book I recently read, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. It's short and sweet inspirational reading. Check it out!

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The Road to Woodstock, Connection, Robert Sturman & Lots of Rain

How did I end up in a cornfield in Woodstock, NY, with Lockey Maisonneuve, and Robert Sturman, world class photographer/artist? 

Interesting story.

Back when I had cancer, I told my therapist about a Pilates class I took. Because of my surgery, when I found myself flat on my back attempting to lift my feet off the floor, they wouldn't budge. I was so upset, I wanted to run out of the room. The only thing that stopped me was the carnage I imagined I'd cause by stomping the other women in the class on my way out the door. 

My therapist told me about a rehabilitative exercise class for breast cancer survivors, led by Lockey. I wasn't thrilled about trying another class, but desperation sometimes pushes you past your comfort zone if you let it.

Long story short, Lockey and I became friends.

That was five years ago.

Yesterday, we took our road trip to Woodstock to meet Robert, who travels the world shooting photographs of yogis that transcend the physical into another realm entirely. Lockey, a yoga teacher and creator of the Let It Go Workshop, was the subject, I was the supportive, helpful friend. The photo session started, and so did the rain. 

After camping out in our cars for the worst of it, we ventured out into the cornfield. The ground was soaked (why are my rain boots warm and dry in my closet?) but it really didn't matter.

Magic happened.

The older I get, the more I realize it is impossible to live well without connection. Sure, it was a joy to meet a famous, incredibly talented photographer (and a really lovely man.) But, more important than that was the connection the three of us shared in that field, being a part of creating something amazing.

And, even better than that was spending the day, driving, talking, eating, and in and out of the rain with one of my closest friends in the world. 

So, when I found myself in that Pilates class stricken with grief at how much cancer had taken from me, it wasn't the end like I thought it was. It was the beginning. 

The road to Woodstock started five years ago on that floor and in my therapist's office when I let myself be vulnerable and tell my story to someone I trusted to help. 

The moral of the story is to ask and you shall receive. If you're lucky (and why shouldn't you be) you might end up witnessing an incredible artist make art and sharing beauty and connection with souls I never would have encountered otherwise. 

Oh, and never stomp your way out of a Pilates class. It's just not good karma.

xoxo,

Debbie

PS: You can read more about our Woodstock adventure at WhereWeGoNow.

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Mindfully Experiencing the Language of the Flowers

In the United States in Victorian times, flowers were used by discreet lovers to communicate coded messages of romance. The practice actually got so involved that a bouquet could be used to convey a message about a secret rendezvous, with the date and time coded by the number of leaves on a branch.

Today we all know red roses signify passionate love, but most of the language of flowers has been forgotten. I thought it would be fun to bring it back, especially as flowers symbolize so much more than expressions of love. 

A good example is the chrysanthemum, or "mum," which is everywhere you look this season. Because it's a late bloomer, it symbolizes joy, optimism and the promise of hope in dark times.  

This fall, try to let every mum you see remind you to feel that hope and experience the beauty of the autumn season.  With just a moment of mindfulness, you open yourself to really seeing all the beauty, hope and optimism the world provides and you can't help but feel gratitude.

xoxo,

Debbie

123RF Stock Photos

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Getting to Yes Through the Power of No

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure." Joseph Campbell

Over at my other blog, WhereWeGoNow, I write a lot about how breast cancer's kick in the rear taught me to say "Yes" to my adventure. In fact, "Say Yes to Yourself" is one of the 10 simple secrets to creating inspired healing, wellness and your joyous life after cancer that I wrote about in How to Build an Amazing Life After Treatment.

So what do I think about a book that celebrates The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness?  

I found it deeply spiritual and, ultimately, about the power of bringing "a blissful Yes into your life, one that opens the door to opportunities, abundance, and love."

Written by James and Claudia Azula Altucher, The Power of No is a riff on The Power of Now, written by Eckhart Tolle, which I also discovered after my cancer diagnosis. Just as Tolle introduced me to the concept of mindfulness, so the Altuchers introduce us to the power of No to clear away what isn't working to make room in your life for what does. 

The conversational style of the book (James and Claudia take turns sharing personal anecdotes) teaches by example. These are people who have been in the trenches with stories to tell. They've made big mistakes in business and love and have found themselves "on the floor." They've faced self-destructive behavior (physical and emotional,) stress, mindless chatter, angers of the past, self-sabotage, being stuck, phony storytelling, scarcity, "bad luck" and hanging on to people who weren't good for them .

After decades of failure, each of the authors claimed the right to say No and stepped into greater health, abundance and happiness. 

I recommend this book to anyone going through a life transition or healing journey. We all get stuck sometimes and it always helps to connect with others who have been where you are now. It also helps that each chapter offers concrete exercises to guide the reader to sit, reflect and do the work necessary to unleash the power of No and, ultimately, to find your Yes.

xoxo, 

Debbie

FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

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Act with Kindness, Because You Never Know

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Philo

Giving back gives me joy. It also heals what ails you. That's why I spend time working as a patient educator with the Pathways Women's Cancer Teaching Project.

The other morning, I spent some time talking with four young women in the physician assistant program at Seton Hall University. I was there to give them the truth (mine) about what it is like to be a cancer patient.

As a patient educator I've met with hundreds of young residents, and medical, nursing and chaplain students. During our sessions, we are interviewed and participants are encouraged to ask us anything and everything about our experience. In this way, we expose them to the patient as a whole person with a family, job, fears and emotions. We've been told by many participants that meeting with us has entirely changed their practice for the better.

Three of the women I spoke with were engaged and asked numerous questions. The fourth was extremely quiet and sat twirling her hair. She appeared to be listening, but wouldn't participate, even when I asked her directly if she had any questions.

After our session with the PA students, the patient educators got together. When it was my turn to talk about my session, I mentioned the young woman twirling her hair. I said I initially thought she wasn't engaged, but a moment of eye contact led me to believe she might have been dealing with a cancer story of her own.   

We looked at her feedback form and, sure enough, she had written that a member of her family had breast cancer and she just couldn't talk about it in the group.

How did I know? Something in her eyes sparked a split second of recognition. How many times had I gone out into the world, trying to function normally, when deep down inside I was carrying the red hot ember of cancer worry? What about that time I struggled to hold it together as the tech said amazingly ignorant things to me during my first mammogram after my mastectomy?

And it's not just cancer pain we push down where we think no one can see. One of the most painful experiences of my life happened over 20 years ago when I was a practicing attorney. I was in another attorney's office for a scheduled deposition of his client, a child. My job was to ask questions about the child's accident, but the attorney came out and told me his client wanted to leave early. When I said I would try to be quick, but I had a job to do, he asked me if I had children. When I answered that I didn't he dismissed me with, "Oh, that's why you don't understand."

What he didn't understand was that I am the oldest of nine children, so I certainly get kids. He also didn't understand that I had lost two pregnancies and was battling infertility. As much as his carelessly cruel comment hurt me, I held in my pain and trudged through the deposition.

None of us has to come clean and share anything we don't want to share. We have a right to our privacy and our dignity (there's nothing worse than losing it with people you don't trust to handle it.)

Sometimes it's easy to know when a person needs your kindness. And sometimes it isn't. 

But it shouldn't matter.

Part of being human is to experience sorrow, fear, grief and pain.

To be an evolved human is to know it's not just you and to act accordingly, with kindness.

Because you never know. 

xoxo,

  

Debbie

Image courtesy of Jennifer

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Bringing Life to the Joy of Books

When it comes to creating live out loud joy, sometimes it takes just a little bit of awareness. Like asking yourself why you can't remember the last time you read a book for enjoyment. I mean, come on! I was an English major in college - I was reading all the time before life got in the way.

So hooray for books - the ones you hold in your hands and read and love! I also love this amazing stop-motion animation by Sean Ohlenkamp. Let me know if you agree with the statement at the end of this short and immensely delightful video.

xoxo,

Debbie

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