Thought for the Weekend

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For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be very happy. If someone bases his [or her] happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness."  - Andy Rooney

In other words, it's all about the little things. 

xoxo,

Debbie

Image copyright 123RF Photos

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Coming 2015! Reserve Your Hope & Tea, You & Me Mentoring Session Now!

Where there's tea there's hope. Arthur Wing Pinero

Do you know the feeling you get sitting at a friend's kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea, sharing stories, and being heard and supported?

I love that feeling.

That was the feeling I was searching for when I created WhereWeGoNow. Being a part of the Positively Positive community gives me that feeling. We're all survivors of something and we're all trying to create a life of inspired healing, wellness and live out loud joy. 

And we all need connection to make it happen.

That's why I'm offering Hope & Tea, You & Me Mentoring Sessions. I know from experience that "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you," (Maya Angelou) and I've experienced the healing power of sharing my stories. Now, I want to offer you what my mentors offered me: a healing space to be heard, understood, guided and inspired. 

Topics to be shared over tea include:

• How to create more joy in your life
• How to live your hope
• Beginning a gratitude practice
• How to reach out and be heard
• Celebrating the "little things"
• Practicing mindfulness to help you live in the here and now
• What to do with difficult emotions, such as anger, loneliness and stress, and
• many other possibilities

 You choose the length of each session, which run 30 minutes or an hour long. We'll meet via a Skype audio call (not video, so showing up in your PJ's is A-OK!) After the session, I'll send you an email with notes and some "homework" to help you implement what we've discussed. 

All you have to do to get started is fill out my questionnaire, which gives us both an idea of what you're looking for and how your sessions can be tailored to best serve you. To sign up, fill out the form below (all mentoring sessions are paid in USD via PayPal.) After that, we'll use email to schedule mutually convenient times to talk. If you have any questions, just send me a note at debbie@wherewegonow.com.

Are you ready to connect with someone who understands the struggle of surviving whatever life throws at you? Do you want to open up and tell your story without fear of judgment? If you do, I'm holding a supportive space open just for you. 

Let's get together for a Hope and Tea, You and Me Mentoring Session very soon!

xoxo,

Debbie

Image courtesy Jeff Kubina

IMPORTANT INFORMATION:

A NOTE ABOUT CANCELLATIONS: If you can't make a booked session, you need to let me know via email (debbie@wherewegonow.com) and put CANCELLATION in the subject line at least two hours prior to our scheduled session in order to reschedule that session. If you cancel less than two hours before our session or don't show, that session cannot be rescheduled. Instead, you will need to schedule and pay for a completely new session. In other words, by submitting payment you are agreeing that your session is confirmed and that you agree to these terms. Also, please understand that, once a session is booked, there are no refunds.

DISCLAIMER: You must read and accept my Disclaimer before we can talk. (To accept, see the Disclaimer at the bottom of the questionnaire.) I am not a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, doctor or medical professional of any type. You must not take anything written on my website, or discussed during our mentoring session as medical or therapeutic advice. It is completely understood by you that we are coming together to talk only, and I am speaking to you solely in the capacity of a mentor. If you need medical help, seek out a doctor first. If you are feeling suicidal or are having violent thoughts toward others, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US) 1-800-273-8255.

Hope & Tea, You & Me Mentoring Sessions

One 30 minute session $30.00 USD One 60 minute session $60.00 USD Five 30 minute sessions (10% off) $135.00 USD Five 60 minute sessions (10% off) $270.00 USD Ten 30 minute sessions (20% off ) $240.00 USD Ten 60 minute sessions (20% off ) $480.00 USD

I Forgot My Phone

We're hardwired for connection. There's no arguing with the bioscience. But we can want it so badly we're trying to hot-wire it. Brene Brown

Have you ever run out of the house, late for a meeting or to pick up a child, and suddenly remembered you forgot your phone?

How did you feel at that very instant?

I've done it more than once and my reaction is always the same: Surprised: How did I manage to leave the house without an appendage? Concerned: What if someone really needs me? Free: From that moment to however long it takes us to be reunited, my 24/7 on-call duty is suspended.

Our primal need for connection fuels our interconnected, technology-driven culture, and I'm afraid most of us (including yours truly) are verging on the obsessive. From the palm of your hand, you are connected to anyone at anytime. We track and are tracked via social media. We self-report and document everything from major life events to walks with the dog.

Don't get me wrong. I love technology. I love the immediacy of texting my children and (usually) getting a response. I could write an ode to the GPS app on my phone, which has saved me from my old habit of constantly losing my way whenever I ventured out anywhere new.

But, along with the good comes the not so great. With immediacy comes greater expectations, which lead to fear when someone can't be reached. And, just because we can Google something right now doesn't mean we should. Is it really that important to stop a conversation in its tracks to find out how many Columbo episodes were made? (Answer: 69!)  

The truth is that there is hot-wired connection and there is real connection, which Brene Brown defines as:

. . . the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. 

I spend a lot of time staring at my phone, checking my email, Facebook, Instagram and whatever else grabs my attention. It makes me feel connected, but it's an illusion and I'm going to try to be more aware of that fact. It's not going to be easy (because of the obsession) but I think I can do it if I focus on being mindfully present to that energy and letting it fill me up.

Maybe I'll forget my phone more often.

xoxo,

Debbie

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The Only Appropriate Response is Gratefulness

This is absolutely one of my favorite Ted Talks. Louie Schwartzberg is an award winning cinematographer, director and producer who has literally been filming 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the past 30 years. In his talk, he shares his short video on Gratitude and Happiness, narrated by Brother David Steindl-Rast.

"You think this is just another day in your life. It's not just another day. It's the one day that is given to you. Today. It's given to you. It's a gift. It's the only gift that you have right now. And the only appropriate response is gratefulness."

This video is a gift, and I'm grateful to be able to share it with you.

xoxo,

Debbie

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What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?

Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see a big difference in your life. Yoko Ono

For many of us female-type people, it's not easy to look in the mirror.

We're hard on ourselves. We don't just see our reflection. We see body parts to be criticized and judged. We ask ourselves: Is this a bad hair day? Do I look fat in these pants? What's going on with my chin(s)?

Constant criticism is a form of abuse. We wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, but we do it to ourselves. I know a woman who goes as far as cutting her face out of family pictures. Where does that kind of self-loathing come from?

Of course, to be entirely honest, has there ever been a picture taken of me that I haven't judged harshly?

Five years ago, I had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. When I looked in the mirror, I saw utter and complete damage. My body image was in the toilet. I was angry, broken and overwhelmed.

Little by little, my body healed and I came to accept the changes breast cancer had caused. Yet, I still judged, even though no one knows better than I the traumas (miscarriages, infertility, cancer, abuse) this body has taken and survived magnificently.

And there it is. I dared to say it.

"Magnificently."

It's not easy to admit, but it's actually easier to criticize than it is to celebrate my body. I don't want to be "full of myself," so I become lesser. I'm afraid to seem conceited. I'm embarrassed by compliments. I don't want to appear to have a big head.

I'd be ashamed to get caught smiling in the mirror.

In the end, it's not about what we see in the mirror. It's about who we see. Can we love and accept ourselves from the inside out?

Can we say with complete conviction: "I'm enough!"

I've watched the video above more than once and teared up every time. With all of the social conditioning females are subjected to and how hard it is to own our magnificence, can we ever look in the mirror and see what those who love us see?

It's not easy, but maybe we can take it one smile at a time.

xoxo,

Debbie

P.S. The video reminded me of a book I recently read, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. It's short and sweet inspirational reading. Check it out!

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The Road to Woodstock, Connection, Robert Sturman & Lots of Rain

How did I end up in a cornfield in Woodstock, NY, with Lockey Maisonneuve, and Robert Sturman, world class photographer/artist? 

Interesting story.

Back when I had cancer, I told my therapist about a Pilates class I took. Because of my surgery, when I found myself flat on my back attempting to lift my feet off the floor, they wouldn't budge. I was so upset, I wanted to run out of the room. The only thing that stopped me was the carnage I imagined I'd cause by stomping the other women in the class on my way out the door. 

My therapist told me about a rehabilitative exercise class for breast cancer survivors, led by Lockey. I wasn't thrilled about trying another class, but desperation sometimes pushes you past your comfort zone if you let it.

Long story short, Lockey and I became friends.

That was five years ago.

Yesterday, we took our road trip to Woodstock to meet Robert, who travels the world shooting photographs of yogis that transcend the physical into another realm entirely. Lockey, a yoga teacher and creator of the Let It Go Workshop, was the subject, I was the supportive, helpful friend. The photo session started, and so did the rain. 

After camping out in our cars for the worst of it, we ventured out into the cornfield. The ground was soaked (why are my rain boots warm and dry in my closet?) but it really didn't matter.

Magic happened.

The older I get, the more I realize it is impossible to live well without connection. Sure, it was a joy to meet a famous, incredibly talented photographer (and a really lovely man.) But, more important than that was the connection the three of us shared in that field, being a part of creating something amazing.

And, even better than that was spending the day, driving, talking, eating, and in and out of the rain with one of my closest friends in the world. 

So, when I found myself in that Pilates class stricken with grief at how much cancer had taken from me, it wasn't the end like I thought it was. It was the beginning. 

The road to Woodstock started five years ago on that floor and in my therapist's office when I let myself be vulnerable and tell my story to someone I trusted to help. 

The moral of the story is to ask and you shall receive. If you're lucky (and why shouldn't you be) you might end up witnessing an incredible artist make art and sharing beauty and connection with souls I never would have encountered otherwise. 

Oh, and never stomp your way out of a Pilates class. It's just not good karma.

xoxo,

Debbie

PS: You can read more about our Woodstock adventure at WhereWeGoNow.

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Mindfully Experiencing the Language of the Flowers

In the United States in Victorian times, flowers were used by discreet lovers to communicate coded messages of romance. The practice actually got so involved that a bouquet could be used to convey a message about a secret rendezvous, with the date and time coded by the number of leaves on a branch.

Today we all know red roses signify passionate love, but most of the language of flowers has been forgotten. I thought it would be fun to bring it back, especially as flowers symbolize so much more than expressions of love. 

A good example is the chrysanthemum, or "mum," which is everywhere you look this season. Because it's a late bloomer, it symbolizes joy, optimism and the promise of hope in dark times.  

This fall, try to let every mum you see remind you to feel that hope and experience the beauty of the autumn season.  With just a moment of mindfulness, you open yourself to really seeing all the beauty, hope and optimism the world provides and you can't help but feel gratitude.

xoxo,

Debbie

123RF Stock Photos

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